It's All About that Milk

Sophia is two months old now! What a whirlwind it has been. From that first glimpse of her tiny body, she has enchanted us. This sweet gift made us a family.

Rob has taken to Fatherhood as I knew he would, intuitively. When the pediatrician makes a note in your daughter's file that your husband is a good father, you know you've made it. In the hospital, Rob went everywhere she did. We kept her with us in the room because he wanted her to know from those first moments that she wasn't alone. Once we got home, Rob has done any and everything to help us thrive as a family. From making up ditties to sing to our girl to the simple act of bringing me water when we're nursing, we have been well supported!

The journey for me, has been a steep climb. I had a rather substantial tear during delivery, so my bodily recovery has taken time. In addition to this, once my milk came in, we found that my supply is low. So starting that second night in the hospital, we have been offering Sophia supplements in addition to her regular breastfeeding.

Those first two weeks home, I felt like she would never learn to nurse. She was too impatient for the payoff to do the work I needed her to do to get breastfeeding going. We triple fed for those first two weeks: 1. Attempt to breastfeed for 10 minutes at least. 2. Whether that worked or not, offer a supplement of pumped breast milk or formula. 3. Pump to drain the breast so my body knew that I needed what it was making.

The whole process was exhausting, but

I was determined to do the work. With the help of a lactation consultant who makes house calls, we finally got to the point where she would latch and nurse every time. Supplements still needed to be offered, and I still needed to pump, but having her do the work helped a ton!

I hadn't expected breastfeeding to be this hard. I knew that every baby is different, but I was really thrown when I found out my supply was low. It's hard not to take that personally, or to feel like every time your baby is fussy or your husband struggles to help with a supplement, that it's somehow your fault. Like if my supply weren't low then everything would be easier. This really is flawed thinking. As even if I had a good supply, I'm sure we would have other challenges.

Breastfeeding is a true gift of self to the baby. It's hard, especially for this choleric to work with my seemingly inefficient body. The baby's needs come first, though. And knowing what I do now, I would make the same choices. That won't stop me from looking forward to the day I can offer her solid food, though! Anything to help her gain more weight.

She's a happy, sweet baby though. And that makes the work worthwhile. She smiles and coos at us. Her neck muscles are strong and I wouldn't be surprised if she gets herself to roll over soon. She's eager to get moving whenever we have time to play on the floor. (When you're feeding every two hours, it can be hard to find enough time for the floor!) She's a true joy and a gift!

I just need to keep the faith that we will get through this season of breastfeeding and that she and I will have grown from it.