Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Mothering



She may not say "Mama" yet, but those sweet little arms reaching for me melt my heart every time. My girl is a wildfire! Someone at Mom's Group today said she's uniquely strong for a baby. At seven months she crawls, stands herself up, scoots along furniture and can use her walker like a pro. She's curious and brave, boldly charging forward. Rob laughs that she never goes around an obstacle, always straight through or over it. My girl has spunk and plenty of character! If I were to guess from how she is now, I'd say she's a sanguine-phlegmatic. She loves people, but she's also super chill and only really cries when she means it.

Mothering this girl is my joy. It's hard and sometimes it takes all of my strength and energy to keep up and roll with the day's challenges, but it wouldn't be a vocation if it were always easy. Our nursing journey alone has been way more difficult than I ever anticipated. She only last week fully weaned from using a nipple shield. As a choleric, I've had a running tally of all the shields in the house, where they were and when they were last washed. I'm so grateful to release that bit of neurosis. I joked that this was Sophia's Mother's Day gift to me.

Since my supply was low and I would say now it's merely adequate, she's never gotten the hang of napping outside my arms. Until recently we were nursing every second hour and now we're at every third. We've been doing baby led weaning, and she's really started to get good at eating. Girl loves meat best, but she also loves mushrooms, green pepper, pear, apple, chicken and waffles. She does a happy dance when she likes a food and happily "Mmmmms" her way through those bites. She can drink water from a straw-cup but sometimes spits a bit back out like a fountain.

She used to hate baths, but now she loves splashing around. We take lots of walks and talk to the birds now that it's nice out. She loves to go to church and to Mom's Group to see all the people. She's quiet and observant whenever we go somewhere new. She loves her cousins and Nora girlie can always get her to laugh. She laughs proudly any time she learns something new. She's a down right happy sweet baby and I love being her mom!

I'm so grateful to finally be a Mom. She teaches me so much every day even as I'm trying to help her learn and discover the world. It has certainly been an adventure, and it is one that forges a new understanding of myself and who I am. Motherhood brought a new world with these sweet fingers and toes!

Thursday, February 7, 2019

The Adventure Continues

The Struggle is Real


Every week is different with Sophia and our nursing adventures continue. Overall, I feel like we spend more time on the struggle bus than peacefully enjoying the beauty of breastfeeding. 

We had two really fun weeks with my family in December leading up to my brother's wedding. Before that, I was still pumping twice a day; before bed and first thing in the morning. Rob and I decided that it would be best if I work to wean from pumping entirely before my family came to town. We were going to be traveling a bit and the added stress of worrying about when to pump and where just seemed like too much to carry forward. So Sophia and I spent two weeks really focusing on her draining me entirely and dropping a pump session here and there until they were gone. 

I was pleasantly surprised that after removing the pump sessions from our day, that Sophia seemed sated throughout the day. I also felt I could meet those in-between feedings where she seemed hungry ahead of time. She wanted less supplementation, which became two big extra activities off our plate. I finally made it to the point where I am producing enough for her during the day. Her 4 month appointment confirmed that her weight gain was acceptable, so I this is a blessed relief. 

This little lady loves  people! As she continues to grow and change, any time she's around other people she would much rather be smiling, cooing and amazing them than nursing. With my family in town, she wouldn't nurse unless I was walking or bouncing. I call it acronursing. At home, we have a yoga ball we bounce on. On Tony's wedding day, Sophia and I walked 16,000 steps just nursing! She never makes anything easy, but fed is best! I took her to a breastfeeding group meeting in January and she was more interested in talking to the other babies than eating when she got hungry. She has such a fun personality! I wish I could give her more of what she wants by getting her around other people more, but we're still eating every other hour to stay on top of her weight gain and keep my supply up, so it is very difficult for me to go out when I know she will struggle to nurse while we're away.

This week, she is teething. Sophia's poor gums are hurting her, so she is back to screaming and fighting me when we try to nurse. The weather has been awful, with a polar vortex and tons of snow last week, and tons of rain and ice this week. So it's not so bad to stay home and work with Sophia. We've tried all kinds of ways to help her and have found a few remedies that work. So she's still eating enough and we're going to make it, but boy am I tired!

Developmentally, she is in such a fun place! She's starting to sit up pretty much unassisted. I'm still down there with her, ready to make sure she doesn't bonk her head, but she can sit for a few minutes at a time on her own. She can get up on her hands and knees and rock back and forth, getting ready to crawl. And she coos and delights us with smiles and giggles. I think her hair looks more red as its growing out and one weekend I tried combing it a different way after a bath and she woke up with cockatoo hair! Her favorite song is, "Darling Irish Girl" from "Darbie O'Gill and the Little People." Anytime I sing it, even if she's mid-cry, she stops and gets a big grin on her face. She's our sweet girl and I love doing the work of nurturing and loving her.  









Friday, January 11, 2019

It's All About that Milk

Sophia is two months old now! What a whirlwind it has been. From that first glimpse of her tiny body, she has enchanted us. This sweet gift made us a family.

Rob has taken to Fatherhood as I knew he would, intuitively. When the pediatrician makes a note in your daughter's file that your husband is a good father, you know you've made it. In the hospital, Rob went everywhere she did. We kept her with us in the room because he wanted her to know from those first moments that she wasn't alone. Once we got home, Rob has done any and everything to help us thrive as a family. From making up ditties to sing to our girl to the simple act of bringing me water when we're nursing, we have been well supported!

The journey for me, has been a steep climb. I had a rather substantial tear during delivery, so my bodily recovery has taken time. In addition to this, once my milk came in, we found that my supply is low. So starting that second night in the hospital, we have been offering Sophia supplements in addition to her regular breastfeeding.

Those first two weeks home, I felt like she would never learn to nurse. She was too impatient for the payoff to do the work I needed her to do to get breastfeeding going. We triple fed for those first two weeks: 1. Attempt to breastfeed for 10 minutes at least. 2. Whether that worked or not, offer a supplement of pumped breast milk or formula. 3. Pump to drain the breast so my body knew that I needed what it was making.

The whole process was exhausting, but

I was determined to do the work. With the help of a lactation consultant who makes house calls, we finally got to the point where she would latch and nurse every time. Supplements still needed to be offered, and I still needed to pump, but having her do the work helped a ton!

I hadn't expected breastfeeding to be this hard. I knew that every baby is different, but I was really thrown when I found out my supply was low. It's hard not to take that personally, or to feel like every time your baby is fussy or your husband struggles to help with a supplement, that it's somehow your fault. Like if my supply weren't low then everything would be easier. This really is flawed thinking. As even if I had a good supply, I'm sure we would have other challenges.

Breastfeeding is a true gift of self to the baby. It's hard, especially for this choleric to work with my seemingly inefficient body. The baby's needs come first, though. And knowing what I do now, I would make the same choices. That won't stop me from looking forward to the day I can offer her solid food, though! Anything to help her gain more weight.


She's a happy, sweet baby though. And that makes the work worthwhile. She smiles and coos at us. Her neck muscles are strong and I wouldn't be surprised if she gets herself to roll over soon. She's eager to get moving whenever we have time to play on the floor. (When you're feeding every two hours, it can be hard to find enough time for the floor!) She's a true joy and a gift!

I just need to keep the faith that we will get through this season of breastfeeding and that she and I will have grown from it.

Saturday, August 4, 2018

Homemaker

After ten years in the work-force, I completed my last day of office work yesterday. I am now free to transition into my true vocation as Homemaker. It's something I've dreamed of for my entire adult life and now it is a reality. It's hard to know what to think or how I feel, I'm so overcome by God's abundant gifts.

I told my mom once long before I met Rob that after I graduated college I had chosen to live my life preparing for my vocation in advance. I made it a priority to become debt free, knowing that debt can be one of the main hindrances to becoming a homemaker. This led me to becoming masterful at budgets and in living inside one. Ironically, it was these very inclinations that led me to my career as a bookkeeper. Funny how that one pivotal choice to start sacrificing for my family before it came to be led to fulfilling work.



I made the long and arduous journey of recovering from chronic neck pain in this same way. My eye on my future vocation to marriage and family life. This sweet little one growing inside me has inspired and driven me long before she came into existence. The lessons I learned through engaging my pain and delving into pain science were invaluable not only to my recovery, but in my formation. I've said this many times, but suffering through chronic neck pain made me more myself. 

It has been my life's work to prepare the way in advance. Luckily Rob has seen his vocation in this same way, and his affirming desire to bring me home to care for our family is the answering call to my heart song. Once I found Rob and we got married, the Lord saw fit to bless us right away with this pregnancy. Though I spent years suffering through the toils of my single life, I can see so clearly now how the Lord was preparing me mind, heart and body to bring forth this new life. Hopefully, the first of many.

With our sweet baby girl due in September, being able to come home now is such a blessing. Truth be told, I have been putting off getting the house ready for a baby until I finished working. Now it's like the starting pistol has gone off and my mind is filled with to-do lists and projects for our home. My poor husband, who enjoys a leisurely Saturday (and he should, as he works hard to provide for us during the week) was met by his nesting choleric wife this morning. And look what we did! Our baby's room has a crib now! Rob put this together with his own two hands, while I floated around the outskirts finding the right screws and handing him tools. Life is very full right now!

Last day of work bumpie. August 3, 2018

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Motherhood

Joe, Judah & Ruth Ann
Before I was a mother, I was a godmother. My brother and his wife have opened their hearts and homes to me through the years in such a way that has truly blessed me. The greatest gift I have received from them, was the honor of being Judah Gerard's godmother. This strong-willed, sure footed, ingenious, bright, deep feeling boy has taught me so much. His steadfast and loyal love and friendship as nephew and godson have softened my heart through his autonomous life. One of the highlights of my wedding day was how free Judah felt to be near me and experience the day and our joy with us. To every person I greeted, and hugged, I also introduced my Judah, and what an honor that was to get to do that. This boy who first made me a godmother, who jumps in with both feet and has taught me a little of the humility of motherhood.

"Now I am what I've always wanted to be."
 -Rob
I've been praying for and waiting for motherhood my whole life. I've spent my adult life preparing for the journey and hoping that one day it would come. And then Rob came into my life and brought with him the fullness of life and vocation that I had been longing for. Rob made me a wife and then he made me a mother. When I told Rob we were expecting his response was, "Now I am what I've always wanted to be." It has always been clear that Rob & I were united in vision and life mission from the beginning. I am so abundantly blessed.

I wasn't prepared to experience fear in pregnancy. In the early weeks, I noted some spotting and from that point fear crept in. Each doctor's appointment that confirmed our baby was growing and thriving helped, but still fear lingered. Feeling our baby move changed things for me. Her movement gave me the strength to believe this baby would stay, that this baby was strong and that I could do this.

Being this girlie's mamma is amazing. I haven't met her yet, but she is certainly making herself at home. She's growing and moving and stretching. It makes me ponder what Our Lady's heart went through and the strength the simple verse, "And Mary pondered all these things in her heart," portrays. The difference that total trust in the Father's plan to prosper us makes in our daily lives is exponential. Allowing fear to touch my heart with this little girl kept me from experiencing so much of the joy that she brings into our lives. Her tiny heart beating inside me and her beautiful little hands and feet forming, these are the things I should be pondering.

There is so much to look forward to, and as I sat in Mass tonight and received my first ever Mother's Day blessing I found that there were tears in my eyes. I can't wait to meet our sweet girl, to finally hold her and call her by name. What joy is mine to wait these next few months, pondering these good and wonderful things in my heart with the trust that the Lord will bring them to pass.




Sunday, November 12, 2017

The Work of Wedding

Pinterest has a strange magic over the mind. When I look at something on Pinterest, I think to myself, "I could definitely do that!" I've discovered so many crafts, and projects, and pursuits just perusing Pinterest. When it came to planning my wedding, I knew I wanted it to be filled with the personal touches that speak of a true gift of self. So I've been crafting for seven months. The end result was better than I could have imagined, so I wanted to share some of the images with you. This post will really just turn into a huge thank-you note, as I had so much help from so many loving people.



Fabric Flowers: When I envisioned a rustic themed wedding, I knew I wanted low-lying centerpieces on a wood block. (I was going to worry about the wood later.) And I knew that I wanted the warmth and texture of fabrics. So I designed some fabric flowers. By looking through the discard bins of fabric stores, I built up a fun supply of different patterns and textures. Cutting two different shapes through yards of fabric, I folded a few sides together and sewed together the petals for a full-flower effect. Now, this is tedious work! And I knew I couldn't do it alone. My sister, Angela, helped as well as my sister, Theresa. Every hand-stitched flower, a work of love! My mom, however, won the roost, as she produced hundred of flowers, blending texture and exploring patterns, whipping them up as though it were nothing. She truly was magnificent! We even had enough for the flower girls to use them going down the center aisle during the Nuptial Mass!

Wood Centerpieces: Rob came to the rescue in the wood for the centerpieces. His friend, Bill and his dad, Bill, have an incredible workshop at the back of the house. Rob had helped them cut down a walnut tree, so we visited the Quayles to see if they could help us out with the wood centerpieces. They came through in a big way! Fifteen thick slabs, sanded and ready to finish were delivered into our hands. We used some Wood Juice to help stabilize the wood, as it had been outside for a time, and then finished it off with two coats of clear polyurethane. The Wood Juice brought out the deep, dark color of walnut and brought a richness to the wood. Truly beautiful!

Place mats: Since we were the first wedding to use St. Philomena's Banquet Room for a Wedding Reception, and I know my Father David well, I wanted to create a place mat that could go underneath the wood centerpieces and catch any unintended debris. My dear friend, Gina, had given me a large swath of burlap as a gift toward decorating the reception, and my mom selflessly gave me a full week of her time before the wedding. Once again, she whipped up the place mats in no time at all. My brother Tony, and his girlfriend, Maria, helped to fray the edges of the place mats, adding to the rustic look.

Burlap Canvases: Painting has always been a favorite past-time for me, though I do not excel. I have have found that burlap canvases are most forgiving, and you can get away with edging out the idea of a painting and your mind fills in the rest from the texture. I'd had a design meeting with my friend, Nicole Blackburn, and she recommended the 12x12 size, where I could also cover the back with a piece of scrapbook paper very easily. This allowed me to also exercise my creative writing sensibilities and provide a description card for each.

Toggles: The wooden toggles that I offered as party favors to our guests were so much work, but extremely fulfilling to be able to offer my time for my guests in advance of their coming. I took the images that I had painted on the burlap canvases, created 2x2 jpegs, and printed 200 copies all together. Then with a 1 inch hole punch, I punched a circle into each one. With laser cut discs with an existing hole I purchased from Etsy (can't do everything!) I mod podged them to the surface. After the first layer, I poked the hole through the image to make way for a string. Followed by another coat of mod-podge, the string itself, and a layer of finishing spray.

Flowers: The real flowers, I left in the capable hands of Gina McKenna. She employed my friends and family and together made some stunning bouquets.

Finishing Touches: Finishing touches were completed by an army of lovely people! My sisters, Angela, Ruth Ann & Theresa, my mom, the McKeevers and McKeever Murphys, Kristin, Taryn, Angela Grunkemeyer, and Jenny Witt and Justine Bator.

Ambiance: What is a dinner party without the perfect ambiance. My brother Joe, has flawless taste in music and generously DJ'd the wedding for us! What a gift!

Family Atmosphere: This was truly achieved by the loving service of Angela Grunkemeyer and Jenny Witt, dear friends. They attended to me and to the kitchen, which included all of our guests, bringing thoughtful details I hadn't even thought of, warmth and generous hospitality to all. All of the crafts in the world could not replace these two angels.

Description Cards


Alligator

The first time Rob & I met was at an Advent Party, hosted by our bridesmaid, Taryn. Taryn likes to ask very deep and meaningful questions. Her favorite is, "If you could be anything without restrictions, what would it be and why?" My answer, classically, is that I would dominate the world. Not necessarily in a chief of operations kind of way, but in the sense of being in control of people's destinies. In essence, I would be what I am, a writer, only my thoughts and scribbles would be efficacious. Rob's answer took a great deal more time to explain, in his well thought out and gripping way of speaking. He would be an alligator and to summarize his long-winded response, it is because they are efficient and cunning predators, who can survive on very little, but who take advantage of opportunities when they arise. Knowing this about Rob made the beginning of our relationship very easy, while Taryn was doing some magic in the background to bring us together, Rob was waiting for his opportunity to arise. When I made it apparent I was looking for a relationship, Rob stepped right up and took initiative. I’ve learned so much from my Alligator, and look forward to a lifetime of growing in patience, and true enjoyment the present moment, which is now filled with all of you wonderful people.




Fox
  
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

It was then that the fox appeared.
"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."
"I am a fox," the fox said.
"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."
"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."
"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince. But, after some thought, he added: "What does that mean--'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. “It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."
"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower . . . I think that she has tamed me . . ."
"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."
The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time. "Please--tame me!" he said.
"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."




Bringing up Rob
  
I was terrified as a first time mother but Rob was an easy to care for baby and child.  He was a calm toddler/child, not your typical active, rough boy!  He entertained himself with his imagination and toys!  He often laid on the floor and wheeled his cars back and forth.  He did, however, like his super heroes, cars & trucks and gaming!  Rob was also cautious and protective of his siblings, especially when Kimmy was being teased by my family.  He stayed home much of the time and always had at least one friend.  Always a rule follower....ask Aunt Cindy - she once offered Rob a cookie before dinner and said she would not tell his mom and he declined!  Rob always seemed to know right from wrong and was honest in all he did.  He kept ME in line.  Rob held to his beliefs and principles even if it caused him to be bullied by kids or not win the game. 

Linda




Bringing up Mary
Mary was a delightful baby, especially after the rigors of Angela and Joe! She was perpetually cheerful, especially when interacting with her siblings or the gaggle of little people who made up our rosary group in Idaho. She made a happy growling sound when excited. She loved the dog (Violet), music, and playing in the kitchen with whatever she could pull out of the drawers. She liked sitting in the “very back,” looking backwards in our station wagon.  She loved the swing set in our back yard, and playing in the sheets that were drying on our clothes line. I loved staying at home with my children, watching them play in the yard, going on walks downtown, and teaching them.
    
In Iowa, she became a big sister to Tony when she was three, and Theresa came along when she was eight. She loved them both to pieces. She determinedly kept pace with her older siblings as well. Being the middle child, she could hold her own among others, and I think she sometimes got into physical fights on the playground!  It’s all or nothing with Mary. Nothing by halves for her.  She was sometimes tempestuous, and I never knew quite why.
    
She started school at Sacred Heart School in Boone, Iowa. She joined Angela and Joe on the swim team in first grade, and soon after started little league softball. She loved softball and kept that up through high school, where she earned the nickname “Bloody Mary,” acquired by her skill at stealing the bases.
Mary was always an avid reader, starting with all the Narnia books. She got lost in the Limberlost, went through heartaches with Jane Austen, and went on adventures with the hobbits.  During her homeschooling years, she worked very hard on literature, history, and Latin. I enjoyed teaching Mary and Tony at home, sharing what excites me, and hopefully finding what excites them. She enjoyed the solitude and freedom better than the restrictions of school. But she also appreciated her friends all the more. She joined the Vision homeschool basketball team, which provided friendships and formation.
Mary’s adventures included going away to Starbase Leadership Camp and the Belin-Blank Summer Institute. She suffered from homesickness when away, which made my heart ache.  But she succeeded in going away to college at Franciscan University of Steubenville, which included a semester in Austria and traveling around Europe.  She attended the first Eagle Eye Institute camp, and has continued as a disciple of the Community of St. John.
She continues to be a loving daughter and friend, sharing deeply her faith and life.


-Suellen


The Lady of Shalott (1832)
By Alfred, Lord Tennyson


Part I 
On either side the river lie 
Long fields of barley and of rye, 
That clothe the wold and meet the sky; 
And thro' the field the road runs by 
       To many-tower'd Camelot; 
The yellow-leaved waterlily 
The green-sheathed daffodilly 
Tremble in the water chilly 
       Round about Shalott. 

Willows whiten, aspens shiver. 
The sunbeam showers break and quiver 
In the stream that runneth ever 
By the island in the river 
       Flowing down to Camelot. 
Four gray walls, and four gray towers 
Overlook a space of flowers, 
And the silent isle imbowers 
       The Lady of Shalott. 

Underneath the bearded barley, 
The reaper, reaping late and early, 
Hears her ever chanting cheerly, 
Like an angel, singing clearly, 
       O'er the stream of Camelot. 
Piling the sheaves in furrows airy, 
Beneath the moon, the reaper weary 
Listening whispers, ' 'Tis the fairy, 
       Lady of Shalott.' 

The little isle is all inrail'd 
With a rose-fence, and overtrail'd 
With roses: by the marge unhail'd 
The shallop flitteth silken sail'd, 
       Skimming down to Camelot. 
A pearl garland winds her head: 
She leaneth on a velvet bed, 
Full royally apparelled, 
       The Lady of Shalott. 

Part III
A bow-shot from her bower-eaves, 
He rode between the barley-sheaves, 
The sun came dazzling thro' the leaves, 
And flam'd upon the brazen greaves 
       Of bold Sir Lancelot. 
A red-cross knight for ever kneel'd 
To a lady in his shield, 
That sparkled on the yellow field, 
       Beside remote Shalott. 

The gemmy bridle glitter'd free, 
Like to some branch of stars we see 
Hung in the golden Galaxy. 
The bridle bells rang merrily 
       As he rode down from Camelot: 
And from his blazon'd baldric slung 
A mighty silver bugle hung, 
And as he rode his armour rung, 
       Beside remote Shalott. 

All in the blue unclouded weather 
Thick-jewell'd shone the saddle-leather, 
The helmet and the helmet-feather 
Burn'd like one burning flame together, 
       As he rode down from Camelot. 
As often thro' the purple night, 
Below the starry clusters bright, 
Some bearded meteor, trailing light, 
       Moves over green Shalott. 

His broad clear brow in sunlight glow'd; 
On burnish'd hooves his war-horse trode; 
From underneath his helmet flow'd 
His coal-black curls as on he rode, 
       As he rode down from Camelot. 
From the bank and from the river 
He flash'd into the crystal mirror, 
'Tirra lirra, tirra lirra:' 
       Sang Sir Lancelot. 




Song of Songs 8:5
Who is this coming up from the desert, leaning upon her lover?

Desert by Mary

My heart drawn into the desert
Into waves of sand
Searching for a wounded treasure
In this foreign land

Yet my steps are not alone
And my road is not lonely
Though I wander through the desert
Your hand leads me

My road lingers in the barrens
I stumble on
Hope draws me through the rock sand snares
Do I dare to run?

Yet my steps are not alone
And my road is not lonely
Though I wander through the desert
Your hand leads me

Your love feeds me in the desert
Words issued from Your mouth
At Your voice wastelands turn to waters
Through the joy of Your Plan

Yet my steps are not alone
And my road is not lonely
Though I wander through the desert
Your hand leads me

My Beloved rules the desert
I lean on His arm
Strength, comfort and protection
No harm befalls me here

Now my steps are not alone
And my road is not lonely
Though I wander through the desert
Your hand leads me



Taryn’s Candlelight

Rob and I met at our friend, Taryn’s, Advent party, surrounded by incomparable touches of beauty. A spirit of true hospitality, where it is selfless, warm and welcoming to each guest is something that is an art in itself. Not only did Taryn exude this spirit of hospitality, but she filled her home with thoughtful touches, which shed light on all her guests.

Having taken the time to decoupage Advent hymns, and scenes to wood, including the O Antiphons, I know that I was mesmerized by the beauty of it. The whole evening was shrouded in the mantle of Our Lady of Guadalupe as she was the pinnacle centerpiece of the evening. Not only this, but the dining room was solely lit by candlelight. The warm flicker of the light as it played about the room throughout the evening was truly whimsical.  When I tried on my wedding dress and saw the sparkle, it reminded me of the candlelight present the night we met, something soft and warm.

The true gift was the party favor that Taryn crafted, wood toggles with the O Antiphons decoupaged to the surface, encircled in red ribbon. We spent some time looking at each one as a group and talking about the O Antiphons together that evening and our toggles came home with us. The time and effort it took Taryn put into the whole evening was truly remarkable. Through meeting on that night, Taryn created an atmosphere of connection whereby Rob and I had a strong foot forward on our relationship, which led to this joyous day that we are honored to celebrate with you.



Moth & Mantis

            My favorite book is “A Girl of the Limberlost” by Gene Stratton-Porter, wherein a yellow emperor plays a prominent part in drawing Philip Ammon back to the Limberlost to pursue Elnora, the heroine.    -Mary

A Girl of the Limberlost by Gene Stratton-Porter

From out of the night, in at the wide front entrance to the pavilion, there swept in slow wavering flight a large yellow moth and fluttered toward the centre cluster of glaring electric lights. Philip Ammon and Eidth Car saw it at the same instant.
            “Why, isn’t that--?” she began excitedly.
            “It’s a Yellow Emperor! This is fate!” cried Philip, “The last one Elnora needs for her collection. I must have it! Excuse me!”
            He ran toward the light. “Hats! Handkerchiefs! Fans! Anything!” he panted. “Everyone hold up something and stop that! It’s a moth; I’ve got to catch it!”
            “It’s yellow! He wants it for Edith!” ran in a murmur around the hall. The girl’s face flushed, while she bit her lips in vexation.
            Instantly every one began holding up something to keep the moth from flying back into the night. One fan held straight before it served, and the moth gently settled on it.
            “Hold steady!” cried Philip. “Don’t move for your life!” He rushed toward the moth, made a quick sweep and held it up between his fingers. “All right!” he called.


Mantis by Rob


            My favorite insect is the praying mantis. The name comes from the pose of its forearms held patiently together as if in prayer (not in fact for the act of preying on other insects, though you could take it as a sly double meaning). Like the alligator it is also makes a living by being supremely patient. I had to keep myself for a long time, waiting to find the right kind of girl.; my patience has now paid off. Masters of blending in, the mantis adapts to its surrounding without actually being a part of it. Free to move when the time is right, when it does it will make quite a statement!




Thursday, October 5, 2017

Thirty Days Until "I Do"

Father Nathan Cromly once told a very young, confused and lonely me to live my life to the full, discovering more of the unique and unrepeatable gift the Lord was calling me to be along the way. He told me to do Mary Ann things and to run the race. He told me that one day I would look up and find someone running with me and that this would be the man I'd been waiting for. At the time, I couldn't even verbalize what I thought a 'me' thing would look like! I was too scared of rejection in that stage of my life to live boldly, or to trust that the Lord willed my good. So I started timidly filling in my life with things that brought me joy and made me feel alive.

Now, this is the good stuff! This is the part where I find myself doing very 'me' things with someone I love with my whole heart and who loves me in return.  The Mary of the 'month-and-done' relationship is gone, so it seems fitting to bid her adieu exactly 30 days before I stand in front of all my friends and family and am joined in Holy Matrimony to Rob Stange! 

I was telling a friend recently that finding Rob has brought healing to wounds that I hadn't even recognized I carried. This healing has come in stages, at first painful, and now exciting. The deepest of these has been the feeling of not being seen. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has felt this, but finding a man with whom I can be fully myself and know that at the end of the day he will love me is what I've been waiting for! It's the Lord's provident love for me, manifested in my future spouse! Blissful gift!

When you live life, given to another, willing their good, the Lord takes this and multiplies his graces. And it isn't that life is perfect, but that I know Rob in his fullness, as he is, and can freely say 'yes' to living my life with him. I know that this is reciprocated, and this gives me so much confidence! 

I am eagerly anticipating the day I get to share the rest of my life with my best friend, my Robbie! 


As a special treat at this thirty-day benchmark, I wanted to share one of the projects I've been working on for the wedding! I'll have to do a full post on wedding crafts and how they turned out after the day, but will offer a sneak peak for now! This project was inspired by Taryn Watkins, who put so much loving time and attention into the ambiance of the dinner party where Rob and I met. She had given each of her guests a wooden toggle to take home with them with an O Antiphone mod podged to the surface. A gift Rob and I truly cherish!

So as our gift to our guests, I took the images that I had painted as center pieces and crated our own toggle to send home with everyone! I had so much fun with this project!


Two Hundred, ready for the next step!