A List

I haven't posted anything in a long time! I see a lot of posts with list-posts and I actually really enjoy reading through the trains of thought. I decided that I should try a list to maybe get some of my creative juices going and sum myself up for another real blogpost soon.

My Nephews

• I could never really put into words how much being an aunt has changed my life. Everytime I play with my nephews and hang out with my brother and sister-in-law I come away changed. ---I say further proof.
• Moments of joy from my last visit include: Syncronized yelling with Roman at Little America (a children's amusement park)... things like, "SILAS!" from the top of the ferris wheel to see if little Silas would look up. That one was a little nerve racking because Roman would try to maintain eye contact and jostle our little seat back and forth. And again on another ride, "I ain't quittin' you." He remembers movie lines the way I do... Steel trap.
• Snuggling with Judah until he fell alseep on Sunday night. The poor kid had a head ache and a late nap, so while mommy and daddy finally got to go on a date, Judah and I had some quality cuddle-time before bed. I really cherish those moments. When he finally fell asleep at 10pm, I carried him into bed and he woke up just enough to give me a sassy "Bye."... as if all the trouble spent soothing him back into sleep were nothing and he was just choosing this moment to go back to bed. Hilarious.
• Silas eating a beef stick. 'Nuff said.

Young Adult Holy Hour

• I help with a Young Adult Holy Hour once a month. I provide the music. Lately...... I haven't really been planning too much ahead. Whoops there. I suppose we lazy/busy folk could say we're leaving room for the Holy Spirit to inspire us. Our next Holy Hour is tomorrow and I haven't picked anything out yet.
• Even with my chronic state of unprepaired-ness, the Holy Hours really uplift my spirit.
• The strength I receive from spending time before Our Lord is indescribable. I may fail at getting up in time for Mass the next day, but I will have quieted myself for an hour.

Fall Flavors.

• Second only to my spiritual good... I truly enjoy the sensible good of the fall coffee flavors. I used to be afraid of pumpkin spice lattes.... now, bliss.
• And maple, can we talk about maple?! Over something gingery and sweet!?! Hello! Sign me up for a sugar coma any day of the week!
• I've started counting my daily calories, no matter what, and even though I am slightly chagrinned when my count skyrockets due to a fall flavored latte... Strangely, I don't feel bad.

Kristin Striker

• For anyone who knows me even a little, they have heard of Kristin Striker. She and I have been pen pals and best friends since we were 8 years old. That's 17 years!
• Miss Kristin Striker is GETTING MARRIED!!! To one, very good man, Paul Weisheit! I've only met him once, but between that and that glowing accounts I receive from Kristin, I know he's a good man.
• Her bachelorette party is this weekend and I'm driving to Cleveland for the occasion. We'll be going to an Indian's game and dinner! I'm super excited for some quality time with the bride-to-be.

Okay, so there we have it, several lists with my odd train of thought for the afternoon.

Discerning God's Will

Change.

That word looks kind of big and lonely up there. Change is a word that immediately instills an emotion. Could be hope, fear, longing, excitement... it has a way of affecting people.

Change is inevitable. The question on my heart is how to discern the Will of God through change. What change is best for me? How many things in my life need to change? If God's will is for my good, shouldn't any and all changes make me happy?

Okay, before I get carried away with questions here, let's talk about the theme. How does a person (like me) discern the will of God?

My mother always takes us to scripture. I tend to bury my heart in the psalms and let the prudence of Holy Church speak to me through the rhythm of the Liturgy fo the Hours. It's amazing how something written so long ago, before Christ even walked the earth can hold so much bearing on life today. Filled with the angst of life on earth and the hope of a lover, waiting for his journey to eternal life. I always find it telling to my situtation, which psalms resonate in my heart. Am I being surrounded by my enemy and betrayed by a friend? Am I lost in a barren land? Am I a slave, begging deliverance? Am I a soldier, fighting for my king? Am I signing a song of victory? And that's just the psalms, don't get me started on St. Paul's letters or the Gospel of St. John.

Another means is to use the fruits of the holy spirit as a guide. Does this decision fill me with peace? Does it enable me to better hope in fortitude, and trust in abandonment? My best friend, whom I've known and loved since I was 8, is getting married. Before I even met her fiance, I knew he was the one. There was an overwhelming peace about her and all she did (there still is) that being with her fiance makes her more who she was made to be. It's a beautiful thing.

Receiving counsel is another means to know if a decision is God's will. It doesn't have to just be from a spiritual director, although definitely seek out their opinion! God places wise people in our lives, people who know and love us, and also want what's best for us. Sometimes these friends can see the tree in the middle of the forest. I am blessed with both caring friends and a loving and supportive family, who isn't afraid to ask the hard questions.

These are a few of what I would deem to be the normal means to dsicover of God's Will.


I was thinking the other day and I would like to propose a maybe more non-conventional means. Often times what I neglect to accept is that living God's Will for my life is hand-in-hand with my cross. Rather, the cross He wishes me to carry. (Exhibit A: I'm still single! Definitely did not choose this cross for myself.) So, sometimes to follow God's will is accompanied by a certain fear of the unknown. From someone who lives her life in transition, I am still afraid of fear. Still afraid that the cross God has chosen for me will be too much to bear. Fear is such a human reaction. There's nothing wrong wtih this human reaction, the key is to move past that reaction into a divine trust in God's Will.

This point, where we step off the ledge into the uknown of God's Will, is that final stage of discernment. To take our prayer, counsel and discernment into action, trusting that God's plan will sustain you, even in the face of the Cross.

Lord help me embrace my cross!

Another Friendship Post

"Friendship is nourished by sacrifice for the sake of serving one's friends and truly love thim. And without such sacrifice there can be no real friendship..."

-Bl. John Paul II

I sat on my deck last night. The warm winds of summer are beginning to blow into Peoria. I watched it fill the trees with life, the gentle sounds of its movement filling the air and mixing with the laughter of my friends. Light from inside my apartment and the lights draped about the railing of my deck cast warm glows on the faces that surounded me. It was a delightful evening.

The easy comraderie of the group, as the conversation ebbed in flowed from epic tales, to scientific fun facts, to movie analysis, filled the night. All of us united by bowls of ice cream. It was from my perch amidst my friends that joy spilled forth to fill my heart. These beautiful people who surruonded me will be gone soon, all moving toward the next stage in their lives. Yet, we will always be united in the moments we shared during their year with the Eagle Eye Institute.

This family of people, who come from all walks of life, all kinds of backgrounds, have let their hearts find solace in the rhythm of life with the Community of St. John. This shared experience of our time with the Community is not enough to forge a friendship though. The difference this year, with these people, is that I let myself be vulnerable and open to them. It's not always easy, I know that at the end of their year, they will all leave, but what a joy to build a friendship now.

I may not know what form these freindships will take in the future, but I find that I am not worried. When united through a shared desire, I know our paths will cross again.

Blessed

I am very blessed.

It's not very often that I dwell on the reality and truth of the abundant blessings I've received in my life. Truth be told, I'm very spoiled!  Let me list a few from last week alone.

• My brother, Joe, and sister-in-law, Ruth Ann, now only live 3 hours away from me instead of 4 1/2.


• This means that my nephews: Roman (4), Judah (2) and Silas (1) are also only 3 hours away 
• Wisconsin is the home of great an amazing hamburgers. I ate probably the best burger I've ever had in my life last Thursday.
• Moving is not so scary after all. All of my small fears after saying goodbye to such a beautiful house that has been home to two generations of Pomettos faded away in the peace that came in Wisconsin. Joe and Ruth Ann have found a beautiful house to build into a home.
• LATTES. Ruth Ann unearthed an espresso maker and milk frother (that is quite certainly not a word, but it should be) while unpacking and the hours spent trying to clean it and get it running again were well worth it.... again and again and again!
• 
• My older brother is the best. (Not that you have the time or desire to read my blog, but I think you're really awesome too, Tony!) He has such a strong love for his family and especially his wife. This man worked basically around the clock the first few days during the move to get the house set up and begin organizing. "No greater love is there than this, then to lay down your life for your friends." A vivid memory that I will probably cherish forever is his half-dazed search for bedding so that he could finally go to bed on Wednesday night, that man works so hard! 
• 
• My nephews are three of the sweetest boys I've ever met. After a week of affection and baby kisses, cuddle requests (no matter how whiney), a seemingly endless stream of snot that seemed to always land on my clothes (I actually find this endearing as well... what is wrong with me?!), the frantic searches for Aunt Mary in the mornings, requests to spend "all day with me", and fun silly made-up-games it's such a blessing to be able to carry those memories into the reality of my single-bedroom apartment and work-eat-sleep-lifestyle.
• 
• And for the Piece de Resistance, my sister-in-law, Ruth Ann, rocks! I want to be just like her when I grow up and have a family of my own. She was overflowing with love and (though she'd never agree with me through her objective humility) patience with her boys and her husband during the move. Moving is not easy, especially when you're also leaving behind such a great family in Boone, where her mom lives. She bore it like a true woman of God and allowed the experience to draw her closer to Him. It was beautiful to be able to assist her during the week in her acts of love for her family.
• 

Joe and Ruthie, I love you and the boys very much and I am so grateful that you allowed me to help you last week. It was a true pleasure and I am so excited to see what life brings you in Wisconsin.

2012 - Best Year Yet

One of my best friends has a birthday around the same time as I do in December. While celebrating the coming of another year, we both decided that 2012 was going to be our "Best Year Yet!" This is certainly a resolution that fills one with confidence and excitement for what such a positive attitude will bring you in the coming year.

If I had been asked to guess what I thought that God would do with my resolution, I would probably have listed off all of the desires of my heart in the confident hope that this being my best year yet would lead to their fulfillment.

Here we are, three months into the Best Year Yet and what has God decided to do with my resolution so far?  Let's recap:

Early in January I was in a car accident. It was both my first accident and my first ticket. All-in-all the best case scenario for that accident. I was on my way out of town and approaching a light that had turned green. I guess I spaced out after that because the traffic didn't really start moving by the time I reached the intersection and I rear-ended a truck. The truck was fine, but my poor corolla was no longer in a condition to drive out of town. So after a tow truck, I spent three weeks without my car driving a van that I borrowed from some dear friends of mine who have generous hearts.

Poverty. I wrestled with the idea through this experience, thankful that my accident hadn't caused anyone injury and for the generosity of my friends.

The first weekend of March I spent babysitting in Iowa, an experience, which in and of itself deserves a post about all the giggles and funny things my nephews said and did. On my way back to Peoria, the weather was not that great. It had snowed earlier and the roads were a deceptive and treacherous kind of slick. There were cars in the ditch just about every twenty miles the whole way back. At one point I took a side-road around a traffic jam, I didn't feel comfortable on the main road with so many semis closing in on me. On this windy back road, (ever since my first accident) I was driving like a grandma. Coming around a curve (at night) there were 6 doe deer standing in the road. I of course braked, but after realizing there was no avoiding this collision, I knew that the safest thing for me to do would be to drive into them.

Praise the Lord that I only hit one of the deer. Her body slammed into the driver's side of my car and the rest of the deer scattered. Considering the gravity of that situation, I am extremely lucky to be alive right now. Since my car was still drive-able, it was a long hour and a half to a well-lit trusted rest-stop where I could survey the damage and have a mini-break down. I did make it all the way back to my apartment after the experience, but was terribly shaken up for two days following the accident.

Poverty. Again and again, God has been showing me how to rely on the goodness of the people around me. I'm still reflecting on the idea of poverty and what it means to come before the Lord empty and trusting. I'll have another reflection on poverty soon, I'm sure, but wanted to present the idea that poverty can be a gift from God. I'd welcome any thoughts to help me in this discovery. St. Joseph is probably one of the best models of the gift of poverty (next to the Blessed Mother) and I've been asking him to show me how to take this lesson into the Best Year Yet.

Peace

“If peace is God’s gift and has its source in him, where are we to seek it and how can we build it, if not in a deep and intimate relationship with God?”

-Bl. Pope John Paul II-
Address to the representatives of the world religions.
Assisi, Jan 24, 2002

I love calendars, schedules, and planners. One of my favorite calendars is one on my desk. It is filled with quotes from my beloved Bl. John Paul II. From time to time one of the quotes resonates with me so deeply that I have to write a blog post on it.

Peace is a word that I love. My spiritual director begins each of our meetings by greeting me with "Peace," and the very word, spoken aloud, settles my heart and soul. I have a good friend, who through all of the changes of her life, has impressed me with her trust in God's plan and the peace that she posesses. My mother posesses that calm and quiet peace about her as well.

I long for peace in my heart. There is an extreme difference between peace and complacency. At times I am complacent, where I don't care about my troubles. Probably the opposite of peace, and yet deceitful enough to mask itself as peace. For if I don't care about my troubles than they can't distress me. So for a time I am lulled into a sort of counter-productive calm.

Peace is a total and utter trust in God's plan and faith in its fulfilment. So it's not that a person chooses not to care about his troubles, but that his troubles really are weightless. It's the knowledge that even amidst troubles, God's glory shines and finds its fulfillment.

“If peace is God’s gift and has its source in him, where are we to seek it and how can we build it, if not in a deep and intimate relationship with God?”

The Traditional Birthday Reflection Post

I ran late to Mass on the morning of my birthday. I got there in time for the Gospel, so was very thankful I could receive Jesus on the day of my birth. I stayed a little extra after Mass to read the readings I'd missed. Good thing I did because God had a great message for me on my birthday:

Isaiah 48: 17 - 19
17	Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you in the way you should go.
18	O that you had hearkened to my commandments! Then your peace would have been like a river, and your righteousness like the waves of the sea;
19	your offspring would have been like the sand, and your descendants like its grains; their name would never be cut off or destroyed from before me."

I'm not often frank on my blog. I dance around what's on my heart, hinting and posing questions that I then try to answer. This reading spoke to my heart in ways that only my Beloved could. The truth about me is that I spent a year with the Community of St. John to discern whether I had a vocation to religious life. At the end of the year I discerned that religious life was not how God was calling me to love or how he was calling me to be light to the world. Praise the Lord! But that started me on an infinitely harder journey filled with a desire for something more and an obvious time of waiting on God's timing.

This year I have said goodbye to three of my friends who have left to enter convents. The other two in this picture are in India and Texas waiting to enter at the word 'go.' It's been so beautiful to see how God has spoken to each of their hearts differently, and called them forth to be who he created. They still have a long journey to vows, but they're most certainly living God's will for them. How beautiful! How difficult it is to remain here waiting and hoping in God's plan for my life. How difficult it is to remain in the fire of desire.

"O that you had hearkened to my commandments! 

Then your peace would have been like a river..."

Such a beautiful challenge on my birthday, God calling me forward and beyond my limitations toward his heart. I'm of the firm conviction that God is using this time of waiting to prepare me for the trials of married and family life. Looking back I certainly wasn't ready for them when I was in college, and even looking back one year I can see how I was not ready. If only I would listen!!!! It is so hard to live by God's laws. To be humble and obedient to Him, to remain faithful and always listen for His voice in my daily life.

"Let me rise then and go about the city, through the streets and squares; let me seek him whom my soul loves." I sought him but I did not find him. 

Song of Songs 3: 2

Oh that I might so desire God's will that I actively seek him each day. If you think of it, my desire for God's will would compel me to be most myself. It's that kind of desire that compelled the saints to live heroic virtue. It's that kind of desire, which will build a culture of life and a civilization of love. As young people we are given a beautiful gift in our unique ardor for life. For my birthday, God woke me up to my unique call to live life now, living in hope of what is to come in His plan for my life. Then peace shall abound.