Word of the day: Waiting

Dear Tuesday: Please find a way to speed up for only part of the day... and then just let the hours hang out until midnight. -Me.

Last night, I slept like a four year old. LITERALLY. I woke up this morning thinking about my nephew, Roman, who is almost four. When Iwas out at their house for Easter, I woke up Easter morning around 5am to Joe sitting Roman down on top of the couch I was sleeping on (I don't think he knew I was there) saying, "Roman, you cannot be awake right now, it's too early. I know you're excited, but everyone is sleeping. Aunt Mary is sleeping, Mommy is sleeping, Grandpa is sleeping... so you need to go back to bed."

I have a very exciting evening coming up. And even though my exciting adventure doesn't start until close to eleven, I found myself tossing and turning all night. "When will it be morning? I hope I don't oversleep..." All kinds of things. Not only did I not oversleep, but I woke up at 6. I haven't woken up that early in months. And I was awake! Weird.

I've been thinking today about the hours spent waiting for something exciting to happen, where time just seems to plod on by, same as yesterday. And then when something new enters the picture, time starts to march forward, taking you easily from one day to the next. Then you have moments of joy that you've been expecting for a while. Those seem to take ages to arrive and then are over in the blink of an eye.

The reality is, that the second hand has been moving at the same pace since the dawn of time. What is it in our experience as human that makes it rush and then ebb?

Question of the day.

Godmother

I have been a Godmother for almost two years now. It's hard to believe that baby Judah now eats everything in sight, climbs whatever he pleases, and is full of spunky personality.

My sister-in-law is always so good about allowing me to be a part of her growing family. Last Mother's Day I received a card from Judah, which was such a sweet and beautiful gesture. This year, Ruth Ann made a video from Judah to me. I've watched it probably twenty times this evening.

The thing that struck me most about the video was how much my heart leaps at the sight of my Godchild. I love all of my nephews, but Judah has truly captured my heart.

How beautiful the gift of being a godparent is. I not only get to be Judah's Aunt, but I get to have a personal interest in his spiritual growth. He's already holier than I'll ever be. He loves to pray and go to Mass, he is in awe of Father, and every once in a while delights us with an impersonation of Father when he prays with his hands outstretched. You can learn a lot from the faith of a child.

My darling Judah, I hope that I will always encourage you to love Jesus radically.
Joe and Ruth Ann, thank you for giving me the opportunity to be such a part of your family.

Holy Week

The Lenten journey culminates during Holy Week.

Every year, I find this to be the most difficult week of Lent. Every year I'm surprised by that fact. You'd think I'd get with the program and possibly prepare myself.

Though, ever year it's something different which resonates in my heart and calls me to reflect on my flawed nature. So, what could I possibly do to prepare?

The response is of course, prayer. These mindful moments of my sinfulness call me into the depths more than any lofty experiences could. Standing before God in the knowledge that I am completely unworthy of His love is a painful and beautiful experience. All I have to do is look at the cross and the weight of Christ's death settles upon my soul. Christ chose me.

This isn't just some caviat that you hear over and over at any given talk at any given retreat. This is reality. Christ thirsted so much for my soul, and desired so much that I be clean one day, that he chose me. He chose to be scouraged, he chose to be mocked and he chose the cross, for me.

Each Holy Week, God asks me to trust him and jump without question into His love. My human frailness is never equipped to leap. To stand before the edge of His will and trust that His will is better than anything I could have pictured for myself. Each year he helps me in my littleness and inability. Do I trust in the resurrection? The answer of course is yes, but sometimes I need help leaping.

May the joy of Easter fill your heart.

"Did that hurt?"

I was back in Iowa a couple weeks ago and Roman and I were "taking turns" with my computer. I would look at this or that and then after three seconds he would want to play with the keyboard. One of the pages I went to was my blog. When I opened it, Roman asked "Did that hurt?" I didn't know what he meant but then he pointed to my old banner. I tried to explain that the pens I'd superimposed weren't really scratching my face, but he didn't really get it. Needless to say it was time for a change.

We're at that point in Lent where our Lenten sacrifices start to hurt. Slowly giving up caffeine entirely is starting to make me drag a little, which is making it harder to get up for Mass, which is making it harder to focus. etc. etc. etc. I'm sure you have you're own "the frog ran from the cat, who ran from the dog, who ran from the pig, who ran from the cow..."

The true test of Lent happens in these moments. Yes, there are moments where I fail and watch tv shows on my computer even though I said I wasn't going to. The question is, do I try again? Refusing to let the weight of the world pull me down into nothingness is why Lent is so beautiful. Each day I can choose to love Christ through giving him my failings and asking him to make them new.

The mystery of the cross is my nephew's question, "Did that hurt?" The answer of course is yes, but the beauty is that Christ thirsted so much for my love, that he chose the cross! That was his perfect act of love for my soul. I'm so used to my comfortable life that when these little offerings start to hurt and I'm face-to-face with my own weaknesses, I tend to say "tomorrow."

I pray every day for Christ to help me choose the cross with Him.

In the words of my friend, Graceanne, said with an Irish accent: "Joyous March to ya!"

Full Throttle

I was taping some receipts together today at work to make copies of them. One of my more glamorous and illustrious tasks during the day. This is usually the part where I think about reasons why I'm not where I'm supposed to be.

Today I was filled with a simple joy. It might be because the weather outside is so delightful. Birds singing, sun shining, and it's still breezy. It might be because I'm more active now that it's nice outside, I've taken a walk every day for a week now. It might be that I've kicked the caffeine haze from my slow downward slope of giving it up and now feel awake and refreshed in the morning.

Though all those reasons are good, the only one that can really explain my joy is that Christ is once again the center of my day. Go ahead and pick your jaw up off the floor from your shock at this statement.

For so many months I've been walking around in a daze. Going to daily Mass because I know it's good for me. Oversleeping a morning one, so straggling into an evening Mass when I'm tired, cranky and hungry. It's so easy for me to justify my lack of zeal and attention by a few simple words "at least I'm here." HA!

You do not make it to heaven by saying "at least I'm..." Not good enough. I realized today that my joy came from the attention I was able to stoke up for Mass this morning. My heart was open and thirsty and Christ certainly filled me up. These rare moments are glimpses of what my life could be like if I really let Him drive.

I wish I could live every day full throttle.

Living Life

I am the gate, if anyone enters through me he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

John 10:9-10

I know some of you have been waiting to hear what I have decided to do for Lent. Simply put, I have decided to Live Life!

If you're like me, you pause and wonder at that statement. It may not be a list of specific things I'm giving up and another list of things I'm adding into my day, but this Lent I choose to live. I've decided that it's my goal, but I'm still discovering what that means. It's part of my journey through the desert.

Last Lent I mentioned that the desert was a place where God calls us to himself and renews us. It's a place of temptation and victory, a place of granted promise and an intimate place God can speak words of truth to us.

Taking that with me more deeply this year, I am confronted with life itself. Do the daily choices I make lead me to live life abundantly? Probably not. Lent, itself is a journey. It's not about succeeding the first day, but challenging yourself to constantly grow throughout the 40-days.

Some things I've seen the need to work on:

• Waking up in the morning! so I can go to Mass early instead of late when I'm tired.
• Giving more time to God in prayer each day.
• No more tv-shows on my lap top in the evenings.
• And so much more.

Praying for everyone's Lent, please pray for mine.

Opportunities for Growth

I was looking at my blog thinking I should probably post something soon. I continued thinking, only to discover that I had no idea what I would write about. Most of things I find new and exciting in my life are other people's news. For example:

• One of my best friends, Erin Mone, was just awarded the Mater Ecclesia Scholarship.

It's a scholarship that was created to help young people wishing to pursue a religious vocation take care of ther college debt so that they may enter. Erin's monthly premiums will be paid courtesy of this scholarship as soon as she leaves for France in June. Exciting and selfishly sad as I'll have to kiss our phone conversations and hang-out times goodbye. I've always been good at writing letters.

• My friend Shirley just moved into a new apartment.

She's been wanting to move for a while and has now found a place. The exciting part is she lives near a walking path, so our evening strolls can maybe start back up soon. Also she has a beautiful kitchen and will surely be making fun foods she'll want me to come taste. Best.ever.

• My older brother and his wife just had their third baby.

Silas David Pometto 7lb 10 oz was born on February 22 at 9:50pm after a smoothe natural labor! Extremely exciting considering the miraculous cure to a complication several months ago. My mom is in Iowa for three weeks helping with the transition, which is great because it's easier for me to drive four and a half hours to go see her instead of the thirteen it takes to get to South Carolina. I'll be on my way to Iowa again shortly: playtime with Roman and Judah, cuddle time with Silas, and gleaning wisdom from mom and RuthAnn, what could be better?

The question is: am I an experience mooch?

With so many of the events that fill my day consisting of the goings on of those closest to me, where does that leave my life? Don't get me wrong, it's not a question that keeps me up at night. I feel that I live a very full life. There are things I would change: I'd be less lazy and actually go to Mass everyday, and my apartment would always be clean. None of that changes the fact that I am loved by many wonderful people.

Lent is coming up, so these ponderings are catapulting me into discerning what my regimine should be for Lent. I'm still working out the details but I am going to live Lent to its fullest potential. How about you?