Rather than attack each chapter in full, I'm going to focus on the subheadings underneath the chapters, as a means of breaking up the content... because, there is so much!
CHAPTER I: The Person and the Sexual Urge
ANALYSIS OF THE VERB 'TO USE'
If you know me, you know that the sky opened up a little at that subheading title because there is nothing I love more than analyzing words! This first brick, as it were, in paving the road toward a healthy understanding of love and relationships, is of vital importance. The reason that this particular verb is of note is because you and I exist as the propelling forces of our own story, i.e. the subject. We simultaneously exist as additional characters in the stories of those around us, "an objective something or somebody." (Love & Responsibility) Interacting with others is part of the journey. How we interact with others is why this verb, 'to use,' is of particular note.
Both the subjective and objective roles of man are encompassed in another word, 'person.' Such an all encompassing word for the mind, body and spiritual wholeness of man. That man has an interior life makes him boundless in his existence. As such, ethical questions come into play, "...for a person must not be merely the means to an end for another person." (Love & Responsibility) It is this, which elevates our actions from those of the created world around us. We must not, through our thoughts or actions, willingly limit the existence of another person as an object for use. Rather we elevate ourselves and those around us when we view the person himself as the end goal in our interactions. I interact with you, because you are true, good and beautiful and your unique and unrepeatable gift is something of great value to me.
Ephesians 5: 21 "Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ."The next word that is tackled is 'subordination.' In the light of the conviction to never use another person as a means to an end, it is important that we also see the need to steer away from subordinating another to our will. "When two different people consciously choose a common aim this puts them on footing of equality, and precludes that one of them might be subordinated to the other." (Love & Responsibility) How invaluable does the gift of subordination become in the light of this reflection. "This capacity is, however, inherent in human beings and is bound up with their freedom of will." (Love & Responsibility) To choose another, and to go one step further and offer your self, an inspired gift. The important point is that a choice, together, toward a common good is required is required to justify this gift. They must share the same end and there must be a mutual responsibility for the good of the other.
The second tier in this analysis of the verb, 'to use,' takes us to the idea of enjoyment. This idea is wrapped up into the emotional, psychological and interior responses of the person. "It is necessary here to call attention to the particular richness, variety and intensity of those emotional-affective experiences and states, which occur when the object of activity is a person of the opposite sex." (Love & Responsibility) Enjoyment is a natural and just reaction to spending time with someone, the question is what happens when enjoyment is the sole aim of the interaction? What role does the other person play in this experience of enjoyment?
There is an equality that needs to be present in the activities shared by persons. The temptation with enjoyment is to isolate that positive experience and to make it the goal of your interactions. In this respect, the person becomes another means to an end, an end, which is entirely subjective. Once the world becomes the subjective pursuit pleasure, it falls into utilitarianism. "Utilitarians regard the principle of maximization of pleasure accompanied by the minimization of pain as the primary rule of human morality." (Love & Responsibility) Every experience and relationship becomes subordinate to the pursuit of pleasure. There can be a farce of value put on the pleasure of another person, but only insofar as they inspire pleasure in the subject, which leads inevitably to egoism. Two egoists can share the road only so long as they are mutually serving this end of maximum pleasure. This sinks both parties to the level of a tool for use, another means to the end, robbing them of their inherent dignity.
Caring for the person removes the idea of using from the relationship. The reality is that love always involves some form of suffering or pain, but it is through these poignant authentic experiences that joy in the other can be experienced in its fullest. We turn here to the Cross and to God, the Father, as the most perfect personal Being.
John 13:34 "I give you a new commandment, love one another. As I have loved you, so you should love one another."It is a commandment opposed to the utilitarian idea of love and relationship. The most vivid and piercing demonstration of love by our personalistic God, was through the death of His Son on the Cross for our sake. The ultimate willing of the good.
Romans 5:8 "That while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."The concepts pitted against each other here are that of the person as an end versus pleasure as an end. "The value of the person is always greater than the value of pleasure." (Love & Responsibility) Not only this, but the just response to another person is love, rather than use. Love becomes a requirement of justice, but love is also something more than this concept. That you exist, unique and unrepeatable you, requires that my response to your existence be in line with the utter gift you are to this world. In love it is not only this, but that you will the good of this other person before your own. "Love which is the content of the commandment in the Gospels, can be combined only with the personalistic, not with the utilitarian norm." (Love & Responsibility)
Love is always personalistic.
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