Motherhood

Joe, Judah & Ruth Ann

Before I was a mother, I was a godmother. My brother and his wife have opened their hearts and homes to me through the years in such a way that has truly blessed me. The greatest gift I have received from them, was the honor of being Judah Gerard's godmother. This strong-willed, sure footed, ingenious, bright, deep feeling boy has taught me so much. His steadfast and loyal love and friendship as nephew and godson have softened my heart through his autonomous life. One of the highlights of my wedding day was how free Judah felt to be near me and experience the day and our joy with us. To every person I greeted, and hugged, I also introduced my Judah, and what an honor that was to get to do that. This boy who first made me a godmother, who jumps in with both feet and has taught me a little of the humility of motherhood.

"Now I am what I've always wanted to be."
 -Rob

I've been praying for and waiting for motherhood my whole life. I've spent my adult life preparing for the journey and hoping that one day it would come. And then Rob came into my life and brought with him the fullness of life and vocation that I had been longing for. Rob made me a wife and then he made me a mother. When I told Rob we were expecting his response was, "Now I am what I've always wanted to be." It has always been clear that Rob & I were united in vision and life mission from the beginning. I am so abundantly blessed.

I wasn't prepared to experience fear in pregnancy. In the early weeks, I noted some spotting and from that point fear crept in. Each doctor's appointment that confirmed our baby was growing and thriving helped, but still fear lingered. Feeling our baby move changed things for me. Her movement gave me the strength to believe this baby would stay, that this baby was strong and that I could do this.

Being this girlie's mamma is amazing. I haven't met her yet, but she is certainly making herself at home. She's growing and moving and stretching. It makes me ponder what Our Lady's heart went through and the strength the simple verse, "And Mary pondered all these things in her heart," portrays. The difference that total trust in the Father's plan to prosper us makes in our daily lives is exponential. Allowing fear to touch my heart with this little girl kept me from experiencing so much of the joy that she brings into our lives. Her tiny heart beating inside me and her beautiful little hands and feet forming, these are the things I should be pondering.

There is so much to look forward to, and as I sat in Mass tonight and received my first ever Mother's Day blessing I found that there were tears in my eyes. I can't wait to meet our sweet girl, to finally hold her and call her by name. What joy is mine to wait these next few months, pondering these good and wonderful things in my heart with the trust that the Lord will bring them to pass.