An Interior Life

I was thinking today as I do most days, or try to. I was out to brunch with my friend Joan's parents and we asked them to tell us how they first met. That set me thinking about my parents, who met at a science class in college. Then they had 5 artsy children.

I've had a cold, so yesterday I ran a few errands and ended my day watching a movie and painting. Today I spent the afternoon writing. There have been several times when I've contemplated the artistic side of my personality.

What does it mean to have an interior life? For someone who is striving to discover what it means to be a contemplative and live an interior silence it's good to find the place of artistic sensibilities in the interior life.

There is a definite idea that drives an artistic project. The artist makes choices as to how to best achieve the end product. For example, the painting I started yesterday I thought to do with oils so that I could do more with blending and shading. The only thing with oil paint is that you have to use a medium, which is something like a paint thinner. The non-odorous medium I purchased turned out to be much stronger than I'd anticipated and with the woozy headache I had going to bed, I'm not very enthused about continuing the project even though I know it's not done.

From the choices made that carry an artist to the finished product there can be any number of side-paths and alternate endings to the idea. Ideas often change and mold as the choice are made. For example, when writing stories, I often ask myself why a character would act as I write him. Usually that leads me to developing the character much more than I would have going into the story, giving the character a more complex set of emotions and history. This also lends to building the plot of the story and strengthening the resolution.

With either of these examples I've spent innumerable hours thinking through things or reworking details. Until a finished product materializes there is very little that I can share with others. To view a finished product with a friend, and have a discussion as to its merits and downfalls is truly what lends art to the pursuit of truth.

My question, which I've been dwelling with for some time is that if so much of my time is spent in interior pursuits, where is its place among friends? Art is not something that is easy to share with another person, it takes very rare friendships to truly be able to share the stages of artistic idea. Therefore the question of art is not only a notable question in matters of living a contemplative life, but also in ethics or friendship.

As with most of my thoughts, I've posed many questions without too many answers. I know they're there, I just have to arrive at what is first.

Every good and perfect gift comes from the Father.

Evening Reflections

Do you ever find yourself sitting up late at night? There are moments of quiet before the mind is ready for sleep where thoughts seem to swirl and toss themselves about the brain as if it were an open sea.

Often, lately, I've found myself deep in the midst of these moments with seemingly no way out. Eventually sleep takes over and my wild thoughts take a respite. Evenings like this tend to lead into sluggish mornings where the alarm clock is some sort of distant reminder, but nothing of consequence.
I am at peace with where I am and what I do. This inner turmoil, I can see now, relatively self-afflicted. So many times in my life I've had these moments and evenings spent wondering without looking to the source of my life.

I experienced recently the depth of zeal that Christ has for my heart. Circumstances drove me out of my schedule and lessened my conviction to spend time before Him each day. When I let myself waver in that regard all else becomes circumspect and subject to question.

What is it to live a life rooted in Christ, in the Cross, embracing the chains and sacrifice that come with living a life of faith? I'm still discovering what it is, but from time to time, Christ allows me to see glimpses of such an existence.