Sunday, December 12, 2010
Birthdays and Advent
Friday, December 3, 2010
Advent
I feel like my life can be measured by Advents come and gone. I have discovered so much about myself and life since the last Advent. Now that the days of Advent have come again the anticipation of the coming of Christmas fills and drives life.
I've been with my sister-in-law during the month before she's given birth to my beautiful nephews. The knowledge that after eight months, she would finally see the face of her babies gave RuthAnn such a quiet joy in anticipation. Amidst the nesting and long moments of waiting there are also the natural tendencies of human nature. RuthAnn is a beautiful example of the feminine heart and its genius, her love for her unborn babies is apparent throughout these days. For the human heart, it is hard to wait, especially for things that we long for in anticipation.
If my sister-in-law can be such a beautiful example of authentic femininity and what it means to wait for Christ's birth, how much more so the Blessed Virgin. Our Lady is one of my favorite people to speak of. She possesses virtue perfectly. What does it mean to wait perfectly? To know that the life inside of you is destined to save the world by the wood of the cross and to say yes in confidence?
I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to trust in God's plan and His timing. Waiting is not natural to human desires. Yet, Mary's "Fiat," her "Yes" shows me so much about what it means to trust in God's plan. If Mary could say yes to the death of her son for my sake and yours, it sends a chilling awe through me at the knowledge of my own dignity. Christ desired that I be here in this time for a purpose. Just because I don't know what that is, does not mean that He is not already fulfilling it. Moment by moment, I endeavor my own fiat, asking Our Lady to purify it through her own.
May the anticipation of Advent enliven your heart and show you what it means to be loved.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
An Interior Life
I've had a cold, so yesterday I ran a few errands and ended my day watching a movie and painting. Today I spent the afternoon writing. There have been several times when I've contemplated the artistic side of my personality.
What does it mean to have an interior life? For someone who is striving to discover what it means to be a contemplative and live an interior silence it's good to find the place of artistic sensibilities in the interior life.
There is a definite idea that drives an artistic project. The artist makes choices as to how to best achieve the end product. For example, the painting I started yesterday I thought to do with oils so that I could do more with blending and shading. The only thing with oil paint is that you have to use a medium, which is something like a paint thinner. The non-odorous medium I purchased turned out to be much stronger than I'd anticipated and with the woozy headache I had going to bed, I'm not very enthused about continuing the project even though I know it's not done.
From the choices made that carry an artist to the finished product there can be any number of side-paths and alternate endings to the idea. Ideas often change and mold as the choice are made. For example, when writing stories, I often ask myself why a character would act as I write him. Usually that leads me to developing the character much more than I would have going into the story, giving the character a more complex set of emotions and history. This also lends to building the plot of the story and strengthening the resolution.
With either of these examples I've spent innumerable hours thinking through things or reworking details. Until a finished product materializes there is very little that I can share with others. To view a finished product with a friend, and have a discussion as to its merits and downfalls is truly what lends art to the pursuit of truth.
My question, which I've been dwelling with for some time is that if so much of my time is spent in interior pursuits, where is its place among friends? Art is not something that is easy to share with another person, it takes very rare friendships to truly be able to share the stages of artistic idea. Therefore the question of art is not only a notable question in matters of living a contemplative life, but also in ethics or friendship.
As with most of my thoughts, I've posed many questions without too many answers. I know they're there, I just have to arrive at what is first.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Evening Reflections
Often, lately, I've found myself deep in the midst of these moments with seemingly no way out. Eventually sleep takes over and my wild thoughts take a respite. Evenings like this tend to lead into sluggish mornings where the alarm clock is some sort of distant reminder, but nothing of consequence.
I am at peace with where I am and what I do. This inner turmoil, I can see now, relatively self-afflicted. So many times in my life I've had these moments and evenings spent wondering without looking to the source of my life.
I experienced recently the depth of zeal that Christ has for my heart. Circumstances drove me out of my schedule and lessened my conviction to spend time before Him each day. When I let myself waver in that regard all else becomes circumspect and subject to question.
What is it to live a life rooted in Christ, in the Cross, embracing the chains and sacrifice that come with living a life of faith? I'm still discovering what it is, but from time to time, Christ allows me to see glimpses of such an existence.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Life After Eagle Eye
You'd think that after spending a year with the Community of St. John, that the decision to move to Peoria would have been easy. And while, once made, it was the most right and fitting decision to make it took a lot of long hard struggles.
The one thing that remained true through my summer were the desires of my heart. To find:
- A job that was straight-up 8 hours days and 40 hour weeks
- A job I could leave at work
- A place I could put up some roots
- A place where I could find some form of Young Adult community
It was by the grace of God that I heard that Lagron-Miller was probably hiring. I'd thought of retail, and to be honest retail anywhere else wouldn't have been something I could have been happy doing. I'm employed by wonderful people at a great company and I'm still able to use skills I gained through my education. I may not understand fully why God called me here, but He has abundantly blessed me here already. I look forward to discovering the plan as we go.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Saint John Summer Conference
"It was not you who chose me but I who chose you."
John 15:16
After months of meetings, planning, and working toward the Saint John Summer Conference, it finally all came together. After one week of intense preparation, decoration and logistical planning, the doors opened and 150 young people walked in.
Above you'll see some of the many pictures taken during the conference. Everything was beautiful. The time we took planning details out paid off through the final product.
It was a beautiful experience. Each part of the conference was due to the work and foresight of someone else. It was a unique experience to be behind the scenes, and to know just how much had been put into each moment.
I'm still reflecting on the fact that no matter how tired I was, or how little sleep any of us got, there was a unity to what we did. The driving purpose that gave us energy and the strength to love each other even though all our bad qualities came to surface in our stressful moments was the salvation of souls.
We put on a conference for 150 young people. Each of them came from a different place, each had their own experiences, struggles, and reasons for being there. They all experienced the same schedule, talks, processions as a group and each of them met Christ in their way.
I know that for me, it was worth all the bruises and struggles if only one of those 150 people took something with them. I hope to be among the 150 fed next year.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
St. John Summer Conference Video Contest
Part of my work during the Eagle Eye Institute is toward our St. John Summer Conference: June 17-20, 2010. The Eaglets thought it would be fun to have a video contest, that we would kick off with our own ridiculous video. The winner of the contest gets a free pass to the Summer Conference.
I've also been working on Podcasts that are featured on the St. John Summer Conference Website:
www.saintjohnsummerconference.com
Monday, April 19, 2010
Who Am I?
This is a 2:00 ad I worked up for the St. John Summer Conference. If you'd like to forward it on to any young people who might be interested in attending the Conference, I'd appreciate it.
The st. John Summer Conference is: June 17-20, 2010 for young people ages 16-30, and the cost is $100.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Scarface Pometto??
I’ve had a lot of strange nick-names in my time, some of them endearing, some of them just plain funny. Most of them are pretty normal, “Mar Bear”, “Mar” some of them are entire sentences, “Mary Mary Quite Contrary…” and so far one stands out as my favorite: “Bloody Mary.” “Bloody Mary” was given to me by a softball coach, derived from the fact that every time I slid (I slid a lot during a game) I would re-open the wounds that never seemed to heal on my knees, which would call for band-aids. It became sort of a scare tactic when I was on third heading home, “Get the band-aids ready girls, Bloody Mary’s coming in.” It still brings me joy to think of it.
Well, recently, I went on a trip with Fr. Nathan, a few of the Eaglets and Br. Gabriel Maria to a Youth 2000 in Owensboro, Kentucky, where I picked up yet another remarkable nick-name: “Scarface Pometto.”
Need I say more? Oh, I suppose you’d like to know how I acquired such a strange nick-name. I mean, to look at me, it’d be the last thing you’d expect to go along with my Scottish red-hair and feisty Italian ways.
It all began as part of what could be called the “normal routine” of retreat mode. Since this trip came up in the last minute due to a date mix-up at the priory (they occasionally happen) the Eaglets were the guests of Ann Brawly, who runs Youth 2000 in the US. If any of you have met Ann (I’m not sure if that’s how she spells her name) you are aware of how loved you feel when you’re in her presence and how effortlessly it comes to her. Ann is a woman who knows how to get things done. She does it with a smile and in a way that even the most cross and arrogant of people are pleased to do anything she asks. She’s exactly the kind of woman I pray that the Lord gives me the grace to become.
As Anne Brawly’s guests, we stayed at the Hampton Inn. The Hampton Inn is my Dad’s favorite place to stay while we’re on vacation because they serve hot breakfast in the morning and it changes every day. The first morning of our stay, there were these amazing egg and sausage patties. Add a little hot sauce and you might as well be in heaven. While Becca and I were finishing our breakfast, a family with three little boys came in to eat. The husband was sporting a Youth 2000 name tag, so we of course introduced ourselves. We came to find out that Matt was leading the music for the weekend.
My retreat routine was broken and the box I’d slid into shattered when Br. Gabriel Maria beckoned me into the hall during the first talk of the morning. Praise the Lord, because it was getting stuffy inside that box. I followed the impish monk to the cafeteria, where he produced two McDonald’s sandwiches from his pocket and offered me my favorite one. Now I know I just told you that about the breakfast I’d eaten at the Hampton Inn, but when a monk pulls McDonald’s out of his habit pocket, you don’t just say, “No thank you.”
In any case, I spent the rest of the day wandering in and out of the talks, and helping where necessary. I helped lead a small group with some lovely nuns from Cincinnati and had several good conversations with Becca outside in the gorgeous Kentucky weather.
During one of these chats right before lunch, the Gill family, whom we met at the Hampton Inn, came parading into the yard toward a picnic table. I watched them chatter and eat their Chick-Fil-A, all the while missing my nephews so much that it was hard to look away. Noticing my distress, Br. Gabriel Maria suggested I play with them. So after they were done eating, they meandered toward us with their mom. Having heard the names of the two older boys, Sebastian and Maximilian we asked about the one-year-old. Angela Gill told us that they’d all been named after martyrs and so I guessed Ignatius, which was correct. I then shamelessly asked if I could run around with her boys.
It started as a version of peek-a-boo. Maximilian was the first to giggle, which sparked Sebastian’s curiosity and too soon the games were afoot. Running recklessly around trees and through the grass, they chased me. Shortly after the games began, Maximilian, the three-year-old, was pretending to be a cat or maybe a lion and in his excitement at getting so close to catching me, accidently scratched me on the cheek. Being so young and having baby-claws, I chose to ignore the wound and continued playing. We played all sorts of games, they stole my sweat shirt and threw it into the empty fountain, we threw dirt clods at the ground, swung on a bench-swing, picked up sticks and played guns, and then ended with spinning in circles recklessly until we were too dizzy to stand. During that time, Angela had taken the opportunity to go to Confession, so I was glad to have been able to help out as well as fulfill my desire to run and play with the boys.
I finally came in for lunch tired and thirsty and discovered my group had welcomed Br. Maximilian of the CFRs into our lunch table. Aside from being a joy to encounter and interact with, Br. Maximilian is also good at coming up with nicknames. With the scratch fresh on my face, bleeding a little and swelling it was quickly a point of conversation. The idea began as calling me “Czestochowa” in honor of Our Lady of Czestochowa in Poland seeing as the scratch was advantageously on my cheek. The spirit of New York came out soon enough and the final decision was on “Scarface Pometto.”
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Mary Magdalene: "Woman, why are you crying?"
John 20:10-17
"Then the disciples went back to their homes, but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look in the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus' body had been, one at the head adn the other at the foot. They asked her, "Woman why are you crying?"
"They have taken my Lord away," she said, "and I don't knwo where they have laid him."
At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus. "Woman," he said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."
Jesus said to her. "Mary."
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means Teacher).
Jesus said to her, "Do not hold onto me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'"
Friday, April 16, 2010
Easter Vigil
The Easter Vigil is a time of Celebration. The Victory of the Cross is given to us through the words of the angels to those who came early in the morning to anoint his body "He is not here." The gospel account was read in 4 different languages during the Easter Vigil Mass with the Brothers. Words of hope drilled into our souls and reaffirmed in the sacrifice of the Mass.
After lighting the Easter Candle from a column of fire in a safe location, we processed into the darkness of the chapel with our own candles to illuminate the darkness, as Christ's light illuminates the world.
I can't really explain the exuberance and joy I felt after the Easter Vigil. This year's Triduum opened my eyes to my desperate need for a savior, and I couldn't be happier. For too long I've swallowed the lie that I'm not sufficient and stopped with the lie. Now I know that I'm made whole by Christ who has taken all of my sins upon Himself and carried them up a hill to die.
Christ's resurrection is the light that sends all the shadows running.
Ephesians 5:8-10 "For once you were in darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of the light for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true, and try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord."
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Holy Saturday
Living with the Community of St. John afforded me the gift of spending two hours in the Chapel, living the mystery of Christ's entombment. Throughout the Triduum, Christ called me into the deep. I had become achingly aware that Christ didn't want part of me, he wants all of me, and he died for all of me.
To spend time waiting with him, I was caught up in my own anticipation and an inexplicable hope. I know Christ will wash me clean and heal me of all those things I've been holding onto. Those things that are "too big" to hand to him. I was given the desire to allow him to carry those things to the Father and be free once more. For the first time in years I was able to look at the new day in hope.
My hope is found in the victory of the Cross. Lord carry me.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Good Friday
Many of you are familiar with venerating the cross on Good Friday. We begin Lent with the words "Repent and believe in the Gospel." At the end of Lent, we're given an opportunity to kiss the wounds that brought us our salvation, offering our sins and allowing him to cleanse us as a libation to his wounded heart. He was pierced with a lance, so that we could receive his mercy.
In the morning on Friday, the Community of St. John journeys the Stations of the Cross together, carrying a life-size cross through the woods of the priory. It's a trek that takes 3 hours, the priests are available for confession throughout the stations, and the monks take turns leading the pilgrims in meditations.
I've walked the stations with the brothers every summer since I was 16, as living the Stations of the Cross is part of the Eagle Eye Summer Institute (the camp which introduced me to the Community of St. John.) This time, I didn't worry about keeping everyone together, didn't have to sing the songs as we walked, I could just pray.
My soul wanted to pray the Consecration to Our Lady, the prayer that has been my heart-song for several months. Even though I've been praying it a lot lately, I still don't have it memorized, so I asked Fr. Nathan, my spiritual director, to pray me through it. I noticed a line I feel like I've never heard before and it took me so much more deeply into the Way of the Cross. So I'd like to share the prayer with you.
If Mary is someone you struggle with, let me know what you're questions are, I'd love to chat with you.
I, Mary Ann Pometto, a faithless sinner, renew and ratify today through you my baptismal promises I renounce forever Satan, his empty promises and his evil designs, and I give myself completely to Jesus Christ, the incarnate Wisdom, to carry my cross after him for the rest of my life, and to be more faithful to him than I have been until now. This day, with the whole court of heaven as witness I choose you, Mary, as my Mother and Queen. I surrender and consecrate myself to you, body and soul, with all that I possess, both spiritual and material, and even including the spiritual value of all my actions, past, present and to come. I give you the full right to dispose of me and all that belongs to me, without any reservations; in whatever way you please, for the greater glory of God in time and throughout eternity.
Accept, gracious Virgin, this little offering of my slavery to honor and imitate that obedience which the eternal Wisdom willingly chose to have towards you, his Mother. I wish to acknowledge the authority which both of you have over this little worm and pitiful sinner. By it I wish also to thank God for the privileges bestowed on you by the Blessed Trinity. I solemnly declare that for the future I will try to honor and obey you in all things as your true slave of love. O admirable Mother, present me to your dear Son as his slave now and for always, so that he who redeemed me through you, will now receive me through you. Mother of mercy, grant me the favor of obtaining the true Wisdom of God, and so make me one of those whom you love, teach and guide, whom you nourish and protect as your children and slaves. Virgin most faithful, make me in everything so committed a disciple, imitator, and slave of Jesus, your Son, the Incarnate Wisdom, that I may become, through your intercession and example, fully mature with the fullness which Jesus possessed on earth, and with the fullness of his glory in heaven. Amen.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Holy Thursday
Holy Thursday offers the mystery of Christ's Last Supper with his Apostles and the Agony in the Garden (John 13:1-17:26.)
During the Last Supper Jesus knelt at the feet of his apostles and washed them. When I listen to Peter's reaction, I often think "Peter, why not? Why wouldn't you just let Jesus wash your feet? And then you go overboard... 'Wash my hands and head as well.'"
This Triduum, instead of looking at Peter from the outside, I truly discovered the man through identifying with his struggles. Peter was loved by Christ, even through his faults, through his pig-headed stubbornness and pride. It's just that Peter wasn't always willing to give those things to Him.
Too often, I keep the worst parts of myself: those faults that stand out and mark me as something less than worthy, as a shield against Christ. "Don't wash my feet Lord, there's too much I can't let you have." Jesus didn't wash Peter's feet because they were clean, he washed them because they weren't. This Holy Thursday, I was confronted with the question I had so long asked Peter, "Why won't you just let Jesus wash your feet?"
Jesus died on a cross, taking on a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8.) Not only did he take the little sins, I'm okay with giving him, but the ones I'd like to hold onto.
The fact of the matter is, that he can't take what I don't give him.
Jesus doesn't force anybody to love him. The real question behind what I've been asking Peter for years is, "How much do I love him?" The foot washing of Holy Thursday, threw me into the Triduum with the force of the Mercy of Christ as blood and water gushed out for the sins of his children.
"Wash not only my feet, but my hands and head as well."
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Natural Surroundings
Monday, March 29, 2010
Lent
Before Lent began, the Eagle Eye Institute was given a silent retreat. For those who have never experienced or maybe even heard of silent retreats, it is in fact like it sounds. We live our days in silence, passing notes only when necessary and then once or twice a day we gather for a Spiritual Conference. This silent retreat’s conferences were led by Br. Gabriel Maria.
In beginning the conferences, Br. Gabriel Maria wasn’t shy about telling us that maybe part of Lent is for us to set our obligations and fail. The point of Lent is Jesus, who, even though he knows how weak we are, also knows how strong we can be in him. He encouraged us not to go into Lent looking for a result, but to look at our life in Christ. Something I see as a fitting reminder as the end of Lent draws near.
Br. Gabriel Maria also led us through the Scripture and the different ways the Desert is portrayed in the Word of God. I found it particularly insightful. Since the Word of God is a living word, I know that it will hit you differently than it hit me, so I’ll simply share the verses we talked about and not my own reflections. It’s good to re-read now that Lent is almost done to rediscover our fervor to meet Christ within our sacrifices and allow him to carry us through the final days into Holy Week.
Exodus 5:1-3—The Desert, a place of adoration of God
After that, Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and said, “Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel: Let my people go, that they may celebrate a feast to me in the desert.” Pharaoh answered, “Who is the Lord, that I should heed his plea to let Israel go? I do not know the Lord; even if I did, I would not let Israel go.” They replied, “The God of the Hebrews has sent us word. Let us go a thre days’ journey in the desert, that we may offer sacrifice to the Lord, our God, otherwise he will punish us with pestilence or the sword.”
Hosea 2:16-17—The Desert, a place of rebirth
So I will allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak to her heart. From there I will give her the vineyards she had, and the valley of Achor as a door of hope. She shall respond there as in the days of her youth, when she came up from the land of Egypt.
Luke 4:1-13—The Desert, a place of spiritual battle and victory
Filled with the holy Spirit, Jesus returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the desert for forty days, to be tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and when they were over he was hungry. The devil said to hem “If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread.” Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘One does not live by bread alone.’’ Then he took him up and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in a single instant. The devil said to him, “I shall give to you all this power and their glory; for it has been handed over to me, and I may give it to whomever I wish. All this will be yours, if you worship me.” Jesus said to him in reply, “It is written: ‘You shall worship the Lord, your God and him alone shall you serve.’” Then he led him to Jerusalem, made him stand on the parapet of the temple, and said to him “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here, for it is written: ‘He will command his angels concerning you, to guard you,’ and: ‘With their hands they will support you, lest you dash your foot against a stone.’” Jesus said to him in reply, “It also says, ‘You shall not put the Lord, your God, to the test.’” When the devil had finished every temptation, he departed from him for a time.
Side note from Luke: “When the devil had finished every temptation, he departed...” this is said because the three temptations represent the three roots for sin as exemplified in: 1 John 2:15-17
Do not love the world of the things of the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, sensual lust, enticement for the eyes, and a pretentious life, is not from the Father but is from the world. Yet the world and its enticement are passing away. But whoever does the will of God remains forever.
Revelation 12:13-14—The Desert, a place of escape from the dragon
When the dragon saw that it had been thrown down to the earth, it pursued the woman who had given birth to the male child. But the woman was given the two wings of the great eagle, so that she could fly to her place in the desert, where, far from the serpent, she was taken care of for a year, two years and a half-year.